Ok…right to the point…first of these events was this rather tacky overtly traileresque type of woman who paid me to remote view exactly, nuance by nuance what her drunken loser husband did with another drunken loser man erotically on a couch in the basement of a party they recently attended. Of course I attempted to lead her instead to the high road – issues of marital conflict, midlife crisis, personal baggage, etc. – but no she only wanted the play by play. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly guilty pleasure at the Roman Colisseum. Next…

Number 2…surprise police raid. Pounding on door calling out “Police!” –    my life is flashing before my eyes as I grab a bathrobe and assume my best defensive stance while trying to run through my mind possible various scenarios that might once again have me under seige (I’m quite used to visits from stormtroopers and a myriad of military aircraft usually not about having tea or starting up a book club but more like this ongoing presumption that I will eventually attain the Holy Grail of full spectrum dominance right here acting alone from my Twitter page) I’m thinking it’s like Blackwater or more stormtroopers or someone ready to fire a weapon in my face that will ensure microwave brain death and acute asphyxiation in 10 seconds -so I steel myself and open the door and ready myself for any number of responses – reciting the Constitution, hand-to-hand combat, running like hell, getting on the ground…when their demeanor sinks and they have to admit that they are here because someone called 911 to report two pieces of laundry stolen from the laundryroom…. Ha! This was just so absolutely lame, not remotely up to par with the even usual Inspector Clouseau standards. What followed was an actual police interrogation on the comings and goings of the building laundromat with me as a key person of interest because of my recent confrontation with a 100+ year old woman who has been stealing thousands of dollars of mail in the building – especially mine – her pleading that she’s a “God-fearing Christian woman” and “lives only in the name of Jesus”, me showing no quarter because I and my friends have witnessed her thefts many times, getting in her face exclaiming “If just one minor piece of junk mail disappears from this labby ever again you are getting cuffed and going downtown – understand?!! – so some of the residents think I’m a psychopath – even though I also saved their mail delivery. So I had to field police questions giving up key intel such as that the laundromat is full of bats and the crazy centenarian is a clepto – then off they went, really pleased that their sting had been a success.

Yeah…those were pretty much the highlights.

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